Karate Class

This a big day in MPS history...okay, history is a really arrogant way of saying that I have some reader-generated content to share.

My good friend over at http://leftcoastbias-sd.blogspot.com/ submitted an incredible find from the wonderful world of the internet, also known as the information super-highway (yes, I'm bringing it back).

What makes this entry so wonderful? It combines everything I love...

And we're off to the tangential races...

If you've followed this for any amount of time, you realize by now that my judgment of things that are "inappropriate" are feigned, at best. You need only look back one entry at the now infamous "Sausage King" for evidence. While I love passing judgment and telling people their stuff is inappropriate...I can't help but giggle when I see the things in life that I find blog-worthy.

This user submitted entry definitely has some serious inappropriateness but it also has something great, hidden beneath the surface, which of course, makes up most of the wonderfulness of the images I display here: whoever wrote it, has NO idea what it means.

With that, I am honored to move onto the first, of what I hope to be many reader-generated entries, which I have come to know as "Guest Blogging." Like I've said in previous entries, I'm not very good at blogging.

Ladies, gentlemen, and super-highway surfing enthusiasts alike, I give you: Cropdusting....no, I'm not going to cropdust you, not yet anyway...that's the entry!

~PS

Crop Dusting: A Definition

I smiled at my desk this morning when the site that continues to make my job “way less soul-crushing” decided to tackle one of my favorite topics.

No, not MLB organizational rankings (although I could dedicate an entire blog to that).

Crop Dusting.

Crop Dusting is the art of farting on the move. It’s a stinky hit-n-run. A methane-fueled drive-by shooting. It’s most effective in the office. And it takes Ninja-like skill to pull off effectively.

We’ve all experienced the teenage years and specifically, if you’re a guy (particularly a guy who played any kind of team sport), the act of blatantly farting on someone…or being farted upon if you were smaller and less intimidating. While this intentional act of air-born-terrorism is certainly funny, it takes absolutely no skill to pull off.

As we grow older and get big-boy-jobs, the need to fart and desire to fart upon someone remains the same.

No…scratch that. The need increases!

Seriously, am I the only one who wants to fart in my boss’s presence and let him stew in my brand?

And yet, as I sit at my desk thinking about how to get my creepy Alton Brown look-alike boss of mine back for the time he left something that was not Good Eats in my cube, I cruised onto the Entertainment Sports Programming Network website to check the latest gossip in the world of Major League Baseball.

Pointless Story seems to be such a fan of spelling things out that no one cares about, I figured I'd follow suit.

Back to the action. Suddenly, the screen you see below appears. Like a beacon of light...like manna from heaven...like...eh, who cares. There was a funny label on the screen and I grabbed it.

I don't know what the hell they meant by Cropdusting but the definition I presented earlier is, in my humble opinion, the only one and true definition.

Then I made my way to my boss's office to deliver the latest TPS report, complete with my own personal cover sheet.

Like I said before, Ninja-like skill.

LCB-SD via PS

Signage Pwnage

AND WE'RE BAAACK!

Sorry, it's not like I've been gone all that long, but I just like that Jimmy Fallon SNL sketch. Today's post is about signage. My spell check is currently highlighting "signage" but I've heard it before, so I'm going with it and powering through.

Shortly after starting MPS, my mother-in-law bought me a book about ridiculous signs. As I flipped through it, I thought, "Crap, someone's already done this...maybe my blog sucks now." That's when I thought that it would be better to use that book as inspiration. I mean, if the prophetic movie Idiocracy has taught us anything, it's that this country is going to continue to get dumber and dumber. I humbly submit my first of two shots as evidence.

I grabbed this one while on a road trip with my family. I forgot all about it until I joined Flickr...I don't just take silly pictures of weird things, I also enjoy photography as a hobby. I was told that I need to join Flickr if I want to take myself seriously as a photog...I'm still not entirely convinced of that fact, but regardless, it at least helped me to enhance this blog entry, so there!

The above sign is one of those things in life that you see and you just feel bad for the person making it. Although, I can't feel too badly for this person or judge them too harshly...I mean, they own a boat, they must be doing something right?...'cause I don't own a boat.

But I digress. Actually, that was less a digression, and more of providing evidence to illustrate my point. What I'm doing now is a digression...but I digress.

I feel that it is becoming readily apparent that I enjoy things that make me giggle like a middle schooler in sex ed. I am going to include permutations of words that make me laugh, but I'm going to list them with their medical phrasing, as to raise the maturity level of this blog...BUT pay attention to the blogs in the future as they will very likely include far more low-brow versions of these words: penis, vagina, testicles, breasts, and gluteus maximus.

With that, I would like to post a low brow picture.

This is a case of "Consultation Please," or "Please Proofread me" combined with a healthy dose of, "Oh, Come On!"...and "That's What She Said!"

Seriously, if you are the "Sausage King," you have to understand that "Sausage" will forever be linked with the wiener, both the kosher and non-kosher varieties. I mean, they don't call parties a "sausagefest" for fun. If you don't know what I'm talking about, please refer to the following website: http://www.urbandictionary.com/

...and if you are familiar with the other varieties of the sausage, and you are comfortable to call yourself "The Sausage King," you can't tell people to park it in the rear, it's just wrong, and frankly, inappropriate.

Parking it appropriately,

PS

Consultation Please! Pt. 02

Can I get a CONSULTATION up in here?! Or at least a proofread for God's sake.

As a general rule, I keep my electronic devices on for as long as possible when getting on a plane. Usually, this just means my cell phone, so I don't miss all of the wonderful updates from the world of twitter and facebook.

Most people, don't pay attention to the flight attendants when they're giving they're safety spiel. I do, however. I also read the the safety card information. What, you don't? I read it for a number of reasons. One of which is to know the different safety features. Look, when you fly on the cheap like I tend to, you end up changing planes and airlines, sometimes within the same trip. So there are important safety changes to note between one Boeing 737 and another Airbus A330.

Seeing Fight Club also inspired me to check these out too. Sometime, I know that I will find a safety card with images like that. This point informs my final point about safety cards: My third reason for checking the card is because after seeing Fight Club and being inspired to check the safety cards more closely I came across the following image...which, by the way, is still the image used by Southwest Airlines.

The above image, is also the reason I keep my cell phone on until I'm told to turn it off. The above image, also inspires the next story, and why I BEG people to please get a second set of eyes to look at your stuff. You might have a great idea, but goodness, your idea may also convey the exact wrong message.

Below is an image I snapped while sifting through a magazine on a flight. Don't worry, I used my regular camera to capture this heavenly piece of ridiculous advertising. Now the ad is for a company called "Go To Meeting." They specialize in web conferencing. If you care, they can be found here: https://www2.gotomeeting.com/ Their product seems good. They save people from having to travel to various important business meetings, and in these economic times...blah blah blah.

Both word choice and placement are key elements in the world of printed advertising. If you'll notice in the image below, "Tool" is placed next to the tool's face, and the product name is hidden in the corner of the page.

While I must thank Go To Meeting for making my blog a more interesting place to stop on the electronic superhighway, I promise, I only aim to help.

Look at it this way, at least now there are multiple sets of eyes proofreading the ad!

PS

Find Out What It Means To Me

I know what I'm talking about, okay? I take a lot of random and weird pictures for a reason...I can see the potential humor in those random things. Some might say that my threshold for funny is lower than others, that I'm more likely to toss a chuckle someone's way when they make a joke. I, however, think this view is far too cynical. It doesn't give me credit for what I think is a more worldly, more evolved sense of humor.

A while back, I posted the following picture on my facebook page with the caption "Punk Rock Fork":



I was at work eating lunch and the plastic fork that I grabbed from the bin had two missing prongs, making it look (to me) like a fork doing the punk rock sign/metal sign/sign of the devil, you know the one:



...well, I caught a lot of grief for that picture. The general sentiment was that I was reaching. One comment read, "it's official. your mobile pictures are out of hand. you're posting pictures of garbage now." I'm not going to lie, I was a little sad. While I remained steadfast in the humor that I found in the fork, I did begin to question myself a bit.

Was I wrong about the fork? Was I reaching? Was it not funny? did the fork not
embody rock and roll?

And then...suddenly...There it was, parked quietly in pier garage in San Francisco. I couldn't believe my eyes. My own personal El Dorado. Like a shining beacon of respect and validation:



REDEMPTION!

I promise to never doubt myself again.



PS

Shia la Beef

You can't mess with drunk people. It's just not okay. It usually doesn't end well for anyone. Take a look at any episode of The Jersey Shore and you'll understand what I'm talking about.

Drunk people need clear, concise, specific instructions in order for them to be successful at anything. Without such instructions, they're liable to become confused and angry.

Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. No, that doesn't mean that it makes you depressed when you drink...though, long term alcohol abuse certainly tends to have depression comorbid in it's presentation, but I digress. The reason I bring up alcohol's depressant qualities on the central nervous system is to highlight that alcohol depresses that piece of your brain that says, "I shouldn't do..." Or, "I shouldn't call..." If you disagree and think that drunk people aren't impulsive, let me again refer you to ANY episode of The Jersey Shore.

I've been told once that during DUI stops, police monitor the person's ability to follow their spoken directions as a means of assessing the person's level of intoxication. As such, they'll give their instructions quickly and make the tasks more and more complicated.



This is just more evidence to support my beginning assertion, you can't mess with drunk people. Another fact about drunk people: they like to eat, delicious, high caloric foods, such as those sold by the wonderful people at Del Taco. Del Taco knows their demographic. It's drunk people. Late night, literal, impulsive drunk people. They should know better than to have a sign like this. I've met some people that would try to rip that door down like angry villagers hunting down Frankenstein's Monster. They're likely to bring torches too while they scream "It's shredded beef o'clock!"

Until next time,

PS