Here, Sip This Whiskey and Bite This Stick While We Cut Off Your Arm

You ever hear of the phrase, “Shooting yourself in the foot”…

I’ve essentially done the equivalent of that in the blog/mobile gadget world.

Allow me to explain:

I believe I’ve mentioned before that I carry a blackberry (though, not for long, and much to the chagrin of my wife, I talk non-stop about my next phone).

Here's my phone:





You like that shallow depth of field and selective focus on the shots of my phone??? Pretty sweet, I know.

Moving on.

So like a lot of smartphones, my blackberry requires an additional memory card for storage…most people just have the guy at the Verizon/AT&T/Sprint/T-Mobile/Cricket/USA Cellular/(sorry I’ve been reading a lot of phone stuff lately and just felt like naming the companies for some reason, get over it) store put in the card and you never think about it.

Well, like a lot of poor people, I can’t necessarily afford to have a guy do stuff for me and, as it turns out, it saves you (me) a bunch of money to simply open my phone and put a memory card into it myself.

Smartphones usually require this type of memory card



It’s called a “Micro-SD” card…I’ll save the technical details of it (mostly because I don’t know them) and just tell you that this thing is really fѱ©Ƙing small. So small, that they make a standard SD card adapter for it.

See how small?



Well, my phone had been acting up lately and I needed to upgrade the software on it and wanted to back up all the data I had saved on the micro-card. Smart move, no? Thanks, I pride myself on making smart moves.

My computer…



…actually comes with an internal SD card reader, but recently, due to my photography addiction, I bought myself a memory card reader…it connects via usb and can read all kinds of memory cards:



Up until the incident happened that I am purposefully dancing around telling, I had only used it for my big camera’s memory card which is not SD, but Compact Flash and it has worked perfectly and now it doesn’t take 3 days to upload my photos…

Well, it has a slot for a Micro SD card…I (stupidly)…(wait…I need to reopen these parentheses because, this is not the stupid part…there is a slot for the card I had and I chose to use it) thought, well, lets get some additional use out of the reader and use it for something else. Plus…I didn’t feel like digging around for the adapter…I know I have it, but I got the card so long ago, I might have a hard time finding it.

So there I go on my merry way offloading data from the memory card and moving along nicely. When I was done and needed to remove the card, I had some trouble…remember when I referred to me doing something stupid before?

Stage Hand: Cue the stupid!

The card is so small, that no matter how much you squeeze with your fingers, you can’t exert enough pressure to remove this thing easily from the deathly grips of the card reader. It also is not equipped with a little ejector or a push-in-to-release mechanism.

(there are WAY too many “That’s what she said’s” in there to even mention).

Stage Hand: STUPID! I CALLED FOR STUPID!

Okay, okay. I’ll try to get to the stupid. I looked around for something that could help provide the added pressure I needed to remove the card successfully so I could resume taking lots of stupid photos for all of you.

(Seriously, without the card in there, I can only fit about 20 total pics on my blackberry. And SAVE IT, iPhone users, I don’t want to hear anything you have to say).

And believe me, I’ve missed on a couple of gems! There was, for example, a truck I passed recently and it was hauling a piece of construction equipment. I know, who cares? Right? Well, you’d care when the equipment company is called:



My sincerest apologies, dear readers. I will (try to) not fail you like this again.

Stage Hand: QUIT STALLING! I called for Stupid and we’re behind! Get stupid out here NOW!

(I just saw Black Swan, so I think that’s why I’m thinking of a stage hand…good movie, kind of messed up…Gothika meets Fight Club…meets Pirates of the Caribbean (what with all the bones jumping and dancing everywhere) combined with all the anorexia of that Lifetime Movie with the Pink Power Ranger where all she ate was lettuce (don’t ask).

Sorry, I know I’m stalling on the stupid. Here we go.

When all my attempts to remove said MicroSD card from the reader failed…I resorted to tools. My dad used to always say, “Man is superior to animal by his ability to make and use tools.” The important thing about tools is you need to find the RIGHT tool for the job…even if you’re adapting a tool…you need something just tough enough, something with finesse, something that isn’t…well…going to crush the innards of your MicroSD card…oops, I gave away the punch line.

What tool did I think was the right one?

No, I’m not going to put a picture of me here…jerks.

This is what I thought would free my trapped flash memory card…






I was half right…well, all-right…I got the memory card out, see? It's back in my phone...right in there next to the SIM card...told you that thing is small!



But now I get this screen:






Sad.

Well, I’m off to Home Depot to find a good blade for the brain surgery I'm scheduled to perform later today. Should be fine…plus think of all that money I’ll save!

PS

Okay, who farted in the elevator?

Feedback is super important.

We get it from all kinds of places and we get it constantly!


That’s what she said!

Think about it. We get feedback from our speedometers when we’re driving…and when those don’t work, the city puts radar speed monitors out on the street that flash when you’re going too fast…aaaaand when those still don’t work…well, you get a ticket. But that is also feedback.

“Do you know why I’m stopping you, sir?”

“No, officer, please give me some feedback as to the nature of our interaction today.”

What? How do you talk to cops?

The key point of feedback, though, is that it really needs to be specific. Recently, I’ve gotten some very foggy feedback…one guy drove past my car and just gave me a thumbs up…completely out of the blue…and he did so very emphatically…like FRANTICALLY giving me a thumbs up…then he just sped on his merry way, probably not looking at his speedometer.

A short time later I’m driving along and this dude drives up next to me, shakes his head ‘no’ at me with a look of significant disappointment on his face. The look your teacher gave you when you didn’t do your homework. The look you got from your parents when you drew on the wall…seriously, very, EXTREMELY disappointed. Then he, like the other guy, sped away with no further explanation or gesture.

As I thought more about it, I realized that I DO have two pretty offensive and inflammatory stickers on the rear window of my car. The first is this one on the driver’s side…




It’s a sticker from a vinyl toy company called Wunderland War (http://wunderlandwar.com) that makes sort of punk-rock inspired vinyl toys…I think they’re pretty cool and I’ve bought a few and it came with a sticker…so why not, right? I know, VERY offensive.

Then, next one I have is this one…



Who knew that this would be such a lightning rod for all kinds of feedback I didn’t need. Honestly, I kept the sticker on past the 2008 election for two reasons:

1) I still support the guy and
2) I think Shepard Fairey did a really cool thing with the picture and I dig it.

(Babe, you like my two-point reasoning???)

Hold on to your hats…here comes a tangent!

Every year I get invited to join a fantasy football league, and every year I decline said invitation. It just isn’t my thing…plus it seems like a LOT of work!

No thanks, I have my own fantasy football…it’s POLITICS! I get sucked in every time. I follow the different campaigns, read the news, and generally obsess about all of it.

On the obsession note…check out this website

http://www.fivethirtyeight.com

They do incredibly accurate election predictions based on polling data…really cool…geeky, but cool nonetheless.

Anyway, one of the reasons I purposefully went on this tangent is that I’ve been seeing something this election cycle that I find pretty interesting and I’m going to illustrate it with another tangent.

Have you ever walked onto an elevator and its pretty obvious that someone just farted? You ever worry that if someone else gets on that elevator that they’re going to think that YOU, in fact, dealt it?

I have a strong suspicion that’s how Barrack Obama must feel at this point during these mid-term elections. It’s got to feel like he walked into a stinky elevator and when others joined him, they started blaming him for the fart…but the funny thing is that we all saw the guy that stunk up the place.

So when I write these entries, they usually percolate in my head for a while. I’ll snap a picture and the image will spark some kind of idea or theme and then I write it in my head for a few weeks. Sometimes I’ll start writing and then come back to it later…just like this one.

So I started writing this one and had most of the images and ideas down for what I was going to say and had the title of ‘Who Farted’ etc, etc. But then one day my wife and I went to lunch and when we came out THESE documents were on my car’s windshield, my windshield only, and no other car in the lot:









Chock full of “Obama’s a Socialist” business, Glen Beck is a god, blah blah blah. The moment was made even lighter by the thought that someone just had this stuff in their car waiting for someone with an artsy window sticker to come along to they can change my mind with their literature.

Then I laughed out loud when my wife yelled, “We’ve been tea bagged!”

Awesome!

So what was the image that sparked this politically-charged entry, you might ask? (But I know you didn't)

Well, it was someone giving someone some feedback.




See ya next time, jerks.


PS

Simpsons Did It!

I used to love the Simpsons…actually, I still do, but I don’t really watch anymore, not sure why.

In fact, my quote on facebook is a line from the Simpsons. When you pick a quote for facebook, it has to be something that captures you perfectly…after all, what’s more important than facebook?

My quote?

Oh right. Here it is:

“Powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a Nerf ball.”

Gets me every time.

Not only do I think that quote describes me perfectly…but it serves as the perfect segue for my images today.

My facebook quote comes from a Simpsons episode where Homer finds his long-lost brother. His brother is a rich auto-tycoon and allows Homer to design a new car…which he cleverly dubs “The Homer.”

His car looks like this:



Complete with isolation bubbles…awesome, right?

Cartoons are good for that kind of thing. Showing you something that would be incredible…if only it could happen…

If only…

Cue dreamy sounds…



How sweet is that?

Let’s hope this catches on…



See you next time!
PS.

MPS: No one commented about the title of the last entry…not one of you. I’ve been torn up about this all week. It’s almost like no one is actually reading this…but that can’t be true.

Liberate Tutemae Ex Inferis

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!



I’m just kidding. Though the news that laser surgery is now less painful is helpful…I have better news.

MPS is back!

I went on hiatus a bit, but I’ve been writing in my head for a while, promise.

I wanted to say something like “Guess who’s back in the mother f-ing house”…

but after scrolling down and seeing my photo in the last entry, I know I really can’t get away with “a big fat blog for your mother f-ing…”…

…

I can’t complete that phrase…I know for a fact that my MOM reads my blog…sooooo…I definitely can’t finish that.

Speaking of readers, though, I received confirmation that MPS has a unique reader…a friend linked to my site on her site and then commented on that friend’s facebook page that she thought MPS was funny…

I want to say, "Redemption is Spelled"…but there is nothing more annoying to my beautiful, intelligent, sweet, caring, loving wife then when I spell ‘redemption’ in all kinds of new (read: dumb) ways.

Back to the subject of my Mom…I wanted to talk about family today.

There’s a HUGE part of my family that resides in this blog. I completely believe that my Dad has a BIG part to do with my blog…with my desire to find recazulous (Word. Coined!) stuff in the world. And well before starting the blog, my family has sent me pictures of all kinds of weird things...more on those later.

Time for a long aside, but it’s been a while since I’ve written so you’re just going to have to oblige…or just scroll through and not read…either way, I’m going to take up more space because I’m PS damn it, and you’re not…but if I could provide a teaser for you…should you read on, you will ask yourself the following question: "Did he really just tell a story about a non-descript white van?"

SPOILER ALERT:

The answer is yes.

So remember how I say that EVERYTHING has a story? Well, I got more proof of that some time ago. There was a non-descript white van (told you so) parked on the street. I hadn’t noticed it before, until one day I was walking my dog…




…and I happened to notice a note left on the windshield of this white van, parallel parked near a small apartment complex. As I approached it, I thought I was going to see a ticket on this person’s windshield and utter the words, “sucks for that guy,” to myself. Turned out it was piece of ruled paper (I didn’t get close enough to evaluate college/wide/legal ruling…my apologies). It was a note facing inward, but written darkly enough to be read: YOU CAN’T STORE YOUR VAN HERE. MOVE IT OR IT WILL BE TOWED. Weird, I thought, seeing as how it was a non-descript white van, one that I hadn’t noticed before, but it really pissed somebody off. A day or two later, there was an official city ticket and notice. Then a couple days after that…no more white van.

It occurs to me that there are no less than 3 versions of this story. Mine (the outside observer), the angry guy who couldn’t stand the non-descript white van near his apartment any longer, and the person who got his van got towed after thinking it was cool to park it there for a couple days.

Some day, I’ll tell you the story about my truck got towed in LA because my wife, then friend, and I failed to read a sign correctly.

Okay, back to the silly picture.

Full Disclosure Time:

I have seen this image many MANY times. Not only have I seen it on my own and with my wife…

This is where I wanted to post a picture of my wife being inappropriate next to the photo you’ll see below…I even blocked out her eyes like I did to my own picture…no go. Oh well.

She’s awesome…and I love her a lot.

Here it is all alone (and by all alone, of course, I mean that all of the inappropriateness lies within the image itself, no one making obscene gestures beside it:



Something tells me that the title of this blog gets whispered in the above situations…

Seriosously, Catholic Church, don’t you think it would be worth it to modify the image a bit? I mean, I get that you have a lot of settlement money to pay out…and I know I’m no publicist…but seems like it would be money well spent to aid in improving your public image.

Here is where I intended to put a stained glass version of this image, but I lost it. Can’t find it in my email, can’t find it on my computer…but it was my whole reason for discussing family in the first place…my dad found it and sent it to me. I’ll post it solo whenever I can locate it.

See you soon!

PS

MPS: Bonus points for anyone who can identify the origin of the title and put it in the comments. I’ll call you out in the next post.

Myspace Angles

Back in the day, Myspace was all the rage. Everyone had a page and there was a race to see how many “friends” you could get on there. One of the things that influenced your friend count was your picture…you always wanted to have a good Myspace profile picture. You had to get the right angles that made you look best, yet still looked casual and fun.

The way to get these pictures just right was to take the picture from above with from about 45 degrees off-center. The person in the photo usually looks out of the corner of their eyes and smiles so as to stretch the muscles and tendons in the neck…emphasizing the bones, and, well, not your fat neck.

I took a trip to Michigan and Chicago a few years back with my family. My sisters and I were hitting the tourist bars near Wrigley Field, and we all took fun Myspace pictures…mine turned out pretty legendary, this is what I looked like:



As I look at it, I realize that I probably don’t need to hide my identity…one because I know all my readers personally, and two (and most importantly), my face and neck are more mutated than the ninja turtles that I’m pretty much unrecognizable. One of the best things my wife has taught me is that a good argument tends to have 2 points…well she didn’t exactly teach me that…she’s just better at arguing than I am and her arguments ALWAYS have two points.

“The cats are wayyyyy better than the dog. One, because they’re cleaner and TWO, the dog sucks.”

Anyway…why have I gone through all this trouble and posted a ridiculous picture of myself? Well, PS had another wreck-less driving experience recently. I saw this delivery truck on my way to work and I thought it was funny enough by itself…my first few attempts to capture the image didn’t go very well…too far away, too blurry, you name it…yes I took probably 5-6 shots before deciding to drive up alongside the truck (stroke of genius AND pure luck, if you ask me).

I was a good driver and kept my eyes fixed on the road in front of me, but I aimed my phone at what I hoped would be the right angle to get what I was after…this my friends was my albatross that morning. Turned out, the angle made the picture funnier than it was originally…much like the properly snapped Myspace picture will make an otherwise homely, overweight, and generally unattractive person look more appealing.



Pepe actually puts produce in your tacos...but I got the good Myspace angle on it! So even though it is significantly less appetizing thinking about Pepe dropping fresh duce in your taco, it's funnier, and more attractive to me.

Always check your angles!

PS

Coming Strrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraight At’cha

Okay, I can barely stand this…this…this…WAITING!

The image you will see below I came across very recently, on a leisurely, pleasant walk with my family.

I was so blown away by the inappropriateness of this…this…this…abomination (that’s a bit strong, but c’mon, I’m selling it pretty well, right?) that I couldn’t keep it to myself for long.

I’ve been into ridiculous image collection for a long time now. Some of the ones that have graced this page are quite old…some are borrowed, some are new…and they all make you blue…with laughter! I realize I’m reaching there, but I just got married and I still have wedding stuff on the old brain-hole.

So put yourself in my shoes: You, your significant other, your innocent dog, are taking a long, beautiful walk through picturesque (great word choice, if I don’t say so myself) San Diego when all of a sudden…(and yes, people, it’s all of ‘a’ sudden, not all of ‘the’ sudden, remember I suck as spelling and blogging, but cliché IS me, so get it right)…

Where was I? Oh yeah…I was on a diatribe about “a sudden” vs “the sudden” and we all had a great time…

Jesus, this is taking a while…

And speaking of Jesus…someone cover his eyes, because he shouldn’t see this…










Good luck, and Godspeed…us away from stuff like this!





PS

First Ever Sneak Peek

I can barely keep this one under wraps. From the second I saw this, I wanted to publish...but I'm attempting to keep some semblance of comedic timing and what not...but I just had to sneak peek this.

This entry is going to be SO good...

I can't stress this enough.

This entry will blow your mind. The level of inappropriateness that is all over the rest of this photo will shock you. SHOCK I say.

Some key words that will serve as hints to highlight just how bad this photo will be:

Christian Science
Statue
Fountain
Children

You'll see it soon...

 

PS

I'll Show You Bored!

Earthquakes feel different after you get married. I’ve lived in southern California my whole life, so I’ve experienced my fair share of the old shake shakes (that’s what we all call them here), but the one that we just had today felt different. Not in that they shake differently like the type of shaking from a thrust fault versus a transform, strike-slip fault, but it feels different when you got a little more on the line when the world starts giving you the old shake shakes, you know?

I’ve talked before about just how fast information moves on the internet. Today, that was mostly a good thing. Celebrity twitter and facebook friend updates about the earthquake aside, it was nice to be able to go online and find out what was happening really quickly. I learned another fact in that process: people be freakin’ stupid, yo!

I’m not kidding. Go to ANY news website and read just about ANY article…skim down to the comment section and see democracy at work. More and more I see why we have a republic, not a pure democracy. When you let everyone sound off, you get a whole lot of ridiculous crap. You know that old adage: Opinions are like assholes…



Do we really need to sound off on the emotions we are experiencing as readers of a story? And even if we do need to allow for such things…and that is a HUGE if…but IF we are to allow them, lets explore the emotions chosen by the readers. Intrigued? Sure. I can get behind that. Sad? Definitely. It’s a huge quake that probably did some serious damage in Mexico…but only 9% feel this way? Thrilled I MIGHT be able to understand, like I think it’s in the neighborhood of the emotion that people might be feeling, but it’s still wrong…but Furious? Bored? Laughing?

Lets get it together, huh?



PS

Just Stopping By

Thought I’d pop in real quick to say…




See you soon!



PS

Excavation

I've hinted at it in several other entries, but I feel like I need to open myself up and be perfectly honest here: I watch Friends. I don't just watch it a little, I watch it all the time. I used to watch it when I was a kid because my Mom liked it. I began watching the reruns due to my wife's obsession with sitcoms, but I realized something in that process: I really like it. Sweet Zombie Jesus that feels good to say! I am liberated!

I think the mark of a good sitcom is the abilities of the writers and actors to create characters so versatile and complex that any viewer watching could see themselves in any number of them.

Side note: A sitcom that accomplishes this task brilliantly is Modern Family. Amazing show and one I will very likely reference again.

Okay, back to Friends. For me, I've been compared to Rachel for my occasional airheadedness and the fact that my nipples often poke through my shirts, to Monica for my reaction to stress and because that one time I had a bit too much to drink and hooked up with my best friend who I ended up marrying, to Phoebe for my creativity (seriously reaching there, but stick with me, I’m going somewhere…I think), to Joey for my prowess with the ladies (pause for several minutes for my friends to collectively laugh at me and catch their breath), to Chandler for my actual prowess with the ladies…and the fact that I married someone WAY out of my league, and Ross for his compulsive need to be right and his love of all things science.

Ross, for those who have been living under centuries of sedimentary rock, is a Palentologist. He has been known to collect dinosaur figurines and have crazy debates about evolution. I’ve already done my evolution debate on here, need I remind you of the cactus?

http://morepointlessstories.blogspot.com/2010/02/never-on-sunday.html

But I thought I would share a little about me today. Like Ross, I too love dinosaurs…but for me, it’s a particular dinosaur…and no, I’m not going to post a picture of someone doing something inappropriate with the dinosaur statues out by Palm Springs…but I’ll keep that in mind for later.

No, THIS is my dinosaur.




I’m kind of into photography. I took a class or two in high school but followed a different path once I hit college. I have now been back into photography for a few years now and my dinosaur helped facilitate that hobby. This is a Gateway Inc. DC-M50. As far as digital cameras go, this isn’t a very good one. It’s big, it’s heavy, has a small screen (and an inexplicably redundant old-school view finder), a mediocre zoom, and a blah lens. It’s bad in low-light situations, it uses power very inefficiently from 4 AAA batteries…even when I spent the extra $ on those fancy lithium ones. Rechargeable batteries are a joke, by the way. Not the rechargeable lithium-ion batteries you find in your cell phones or in better cameras than this one.








Batteries aside as well as camera quality and my strange need for my gadgets to be the best of the best…this camera has been VERY good to me. How can I fault anything that gave me such a fun hobby? I really can’t.

Though the recent acquisition of new post-processing photo software (that and some actual, real-life time) has led me to do some cool stuff with my old photos, my Zen-like and truly mindful moment comes in the click of the camera…be it the fake sound that emanates from point-and-shoot cameras like Dino or from the actual click of the shutter in my fancier (read: but still on the cheap) digital single lens reflex camera. Finding that image in my viewfinder that is at that exact instant perfect and hearing and feeling the click is where you can find my happy place.









And while the Beeper King might tell you that technology is cyclical, we all know that it only keeps getting better. The camera that I used to take these photos is old relative to the DSLRs that are available today. If you look closely at some of these pictures you can see a bit of grain or “noise” in a couple of them…that happens with my current camera at high ISO speeds. I would never have discovered what the heck ISO noise was if it weren’t for my dinosaur.

If it weren’t for my dinosaur, I wouldn’t have taken shots like this.



It was foggy and on pretty much raining when I took this shot. My friends had all walked away as I laid down on the ground and aimed my camera just so to get this. I eventually caught up with them and this picture is framed and hanging in my house. Lots of people take shots like this when they visit Paris, but this one is mine and I’m really proud of it.



This is my friend Colin. This was taken the day he graduated from college. His dad brought cigars and Colin delivered the valedictory address at his graduation ceremony. We heckled him from the stands, but we meant well and were really proud of him.



You can’t take a bad picture in Venice. You look around and there are beautifully composed pictures just waiting for you to snap, you just have to point – and – shoot (see what I did there?)



With that, dear friends, I must be signing off. Microsoft Word has now stretched this out onto a 3rd page and I’m beginning to feel like this pointless story is dragging out a bit too long.




And just so that I can stick with my unofficial rule to always share something silly from my world with you, here is evidence that my habit goes WAY back…also, I took this picture with Dino.





PS

Woodbridge High School Football Sucks

Kids are awful.

Well that’s a little strong…but I had to get your attention somehow.

This is going to come off a little back-in-my-dayish, but the circles I’m going to talk you in and the tangents we’re going to take together are well worth it.

Allow me to start you off with a little appetizer of what I’m getting at here:



Funny story about the above picture. I uploaded this to facebook and as a joke, I tagged my friend Scott in the photo. He promptly removed the tag from this picture. I sure showed him, didn’t I?

I was late to join the facebook craze. I had a myspace page like everyone and as facebook became more and more popular I was hesitant to join. I thought to myself, “I don’t get it.” It took my wife sitting me down in front of the screen to finally join.

To my surprise, I really liked facebooking. I put a facebook app on my blackberry (I’m very into gadgets, so this appealed to me greatly. Seriously, you’d be hard pressed to find me without a gadget of some kind in my hands…it’s why I’m able to get the pictures for this blog). On a quick side note for evidence, I was attempting to snap a picture today of a license plate. It wasn’t particularly funny or anything, but I thought my family would like it because it said “ZADIE.” It’s Yiddish for ‘grandfather’ and it’s what we called my dad’s dad. I was a little bummed I couldn’t snap the picture…but it reminded me of the following story about him.

When Zadie would send me birthday cards, he would do so on stationary that appeared have Hebrew writing on the top, with Moses holding two tablets beside it. When you looked a little closer, the stationary actually read “Hey Schmuck.” He would have liked this kid:



I can’t take credit for that picture. I grabbed it from a site I follow http://strikegently.com/.

A little while back, I mentioned http://www.lamebook.com/…something I learned about myself when I clicked through hundreds of pages (and, of course, added it to my reader, seriously, why don’t you have this yet??) Anyway the thing I leaned was how thankful that facebook wasn’t around when I was in junior high or high school. Information moved fast enough back then…could you imagine information moving any faster? I want to make an information superhighway reference here, but I can’t really think of one. Plus, it seems like you need to learn a whole new language…and when I was in high school, I was too busy scraping by in Spanish to learn another language.

One of the things you learn (both in high school and on lamebook), though, is that kids can be really cruel. Like REALLY cruel.

Can’t…stop…the…tangent…

I used to run cross country and track during my time in high school. At my school, these sports were the bottom of the social totem pole…even though our football team sucked out loud. Well one day during my freshman year I was warming up around the track and about 50 yards away was this dude that was friends with one of my friends. He had finished his football workout (he sucked out loud too, never made varsity…no, I’m not bitter). He looked at me with this shit eating grin as the distance between us closed. Then, without warning, he hit me and I fell to the track. Your boy PS was pretty embarrassed, a little dirty, and was bleeding because the cheap dirt track we had at my school contained many rocks…but to look at the positive in the situation…dude was laughing pretty hard…

Do you believe me yet about how mean kids can be? Here’s an example of how mean kids can be.




Back in my day we used to just throw taco sauce on people’s cars…and by “people’s” you should read “my” and by “we” you should read “they.”


With my positive self-image well-intact, I’ll sign off.

PS

MPS: There’s a story here in a picture I didn’t take. When I was making the left turn onto my street, a car with writing on the window caught my eye, but it wasn’t the one pictured above, but it was at the same house. That car window also had an “I ♥” on it…but it was followed, of course, with the classiest of classy statements: “UR MOM’S BOOBS.”

The Next Argument for Health Care Reform

HIS.

In other circumstances spelling that word with capitals might make you think that I was referring to the biblical “His.” In this case, however, I’m referring to Health Information Services. This is the department in any medical establishment which protects your confidential health information.

Notice how I changed the typeset on the word “confidential?” You think I would venture into changing things on the blog if I thought it was something you could just read without proper emphasis? That's how you know it's something important and worth giving extra attention.

What's got two thumbs and sucks at blogging? This guy!

Your health information is important to keep quiet. Do you really want people to know about that really embarrassing thing that you went and saw the doctor about? NO you don’t. That’s why the constitution doesn’t allow employers to base your employment on anything that health related. That stuff is gross and no one wants to know and you don’t want to tell them.

One place I definitely don’t want to see your health information is on my TIVO.


The last thing I need is your chronic lung condition interrupting my reruns of Friends. COPD refers to chronic bronchitis or emphysema…and according to the Wikipedia article I just accessed, COPD is usually caused by “noxious particles” causing an “inflammatory response.”

A quick message to TIVO: COPD is nothing worth giving a "Thumbs Up" to; maybe you want to consider modifying how you market drugs for conditions like that. What's next? IBS?

I also don’t want to know the various procedures you’ve undergone, well, not just me, everyone. We’ve all been talking about it behind your back and I’m the only one with the stones to tell you so. Again, this stuff is confidential. You don’t have to tell us that you’ve been weakened by some condition like COPD or a procedure like a…


Goodness! This is just insane. Well, not insane but come on. You don’t need to do this and we don’t want to know.

I mean…it’s like telling the world VERY personal information about you. Some of this information is sad, some of this information is awkward and some of this information is just Too Much Information (for the older readers out there, this is what the kids mean when they say TMI).

Do you really want people to know that stuff? Well, I guess this guy doesn’t care…

Confidentially yours,

PS

MPS (just came up with that as a way of adding a post-script without looking like I’m signing off, clever? Do we like it?): I like that in both of the license plates there are funny license plate frames that I wanted to be sure to not mention.

1st up, shout out to the Heart Stent Frame: "My dinosaur ate your Jesus Fish." Little harsh arguement, but probably true.

2nd: NINDICK. I’m thinking that license plate frame was bought by his wife.