Oh man! I gotta get me some of that!!!!!

I overheard someone at work say, “Sometimes the best camera you have is the one you have on you, and usually that’s your cell phone.” Holy crap, how true is that?!

I think it’s become pretty obvious that inspiration for this entire time has been the ridiculous things that I come across.

I’m thankful everyday for the number of weird things I see. These are, of course, the things that I get little bit of a giggle and bring a bit of a smile to my face. It’s the little pleasures in your day that help keep you from burning out on your day. For example, one of my favorite little pleasures in life is walking up to an elevator, hitting the button and having the doors open immediately. Come on, you know you love that.

On a side note (and an additional pointless story), I once rode in an elevator and as all elevator patrons do, I peered up at the floor indicator above the door and someone placed a sticker which read “Staring at elevator lights causes flatulence.” That was one of those times that I wished I had a camera on me, ANY camera. I think I’ve made up for it big time by taking pictures of anything that I find funny…and again, I think it’s become pretty obvious, that it’s pretty much anything.

This is going to be a multi-photo entry today. This entry is going to be dedicated to all the products I’ve found (so far) that should have spent some more time in the R&D phase, gotten a few more proofreads, or some little more CONSULTATION PLEASE. I’m thinking that I want all of you reading this to use Jerry Lewis’ voice when reading CONSULTATION PLEASE and the LADIES! Okay, sorry. Onto the photos.

I realize I’m definitely reaching here, but again, life’s little pleasures. This product, among it’s labeled uses, is also good for a little “Ha.” (No exclamation point).

I was doing my part for the environment and this economy by dropping off my spent motor oil. Little did I know I would be dropping it off in such a wonderfully named product.

This product is toeing the line. A good suggestion is to refer to Snooki from the Jersey Shore for any time you want to do anything with a pickle…even if it’s harmless....tiny, sweet, or crunchy.

Okay, this is getting ridiculous! I don’t know what this game is, but I’m not playing it!

Anytime you have “yer” in your product’s name…you really need to watch out for what choose to be the next word, because it ends up sounding like you are saying "your." If your product has “yer” in it and it is going to be spherical in shape, maybe you go with the word “Spheres” instead of “Balls,” okay? Lest you wind up on my blog…on 2nd thought, keep it up, I rather like my blog.

Jesus! I know I can’t be the only one to laugh at this. In fact, I know I’m not. I showed this picture to a buddy at work who said the following, “When I went to register for my wedding I thought the same thing!”

I was walking through the store when I happened upon this one. This stopped myself dead in my tracks. I pointed it out to my wife who promptly rolled her eyes at me…then she took a look at the first picture I grabbed and said, “You’re getting a weird light on it and it’s distorting the ‘r.’ You should take it again.” She just added one more thing to the “Reasons I Married Her” list.

Then a funny thing happened. And I mean really funny. Not like, oh that’s so PS funny, but it’s not actually funny. I mean, legitimately, insanely funny.

I took the opportunity to post this on facebook. I couldn’t resist putting this immediately onto the information superhighway.

Upon doing this, my mother-in-law responded with the following:



“Oh man!” Is right.

PS

Sup with the Whack Playstation, SUP!?!?

I still suck at blogging.

Just look at my last entry. I wrote the entire thing in word ahead of time, formatted the way I wanted, SAVED, copied and pasted…and yet, the font on the bottom half is a different color. This was not my first error with the color…oh no. It somehow ended up a different color during my first try at that entry. When I was satisfied with the content and setup, I hit “Publish” and then “View Blog.” Upon viewing the entry, I the text color was a little hard to see over the background, so I decided to change it to a white so you could see it over the dark background (by the way, never had to do this before so I was a little weirded out to do it now, but that’s another story).

When the entry showed up in my wife’s Google Reader, the newly minted white text was not visible on the Reader’s white background. Ahhhhhh, CRAP! Okay, back to Blogger, change the color back to black. Does it show up on the blog correctly? Yes! How about the Reader? Yes! Back to the blog itself, scroll to the bottom and whaaaa….the last paragraph below the photo is a different color from the top of the blog.

Fine! I give up.

I’ll just try to make it better on the next one. I only have so much patience for editing and reediting over and over and over again. Best to figure out when you’ve been beaten and live to fight another day…or whatever down-home phrase that justifies giving up that fits you best. Don’t let it stick in your craw, you know? Yeah, I don’t either.

Now, why have I spent all this time talking about how bad I am at blogging? Well I learned a cool new computer trick this week….and by learned, of course, I mean that my wife figured something out and showed it to me. It’s called a Screen Grab. She learned it because she wanted to submit something to http://www.lamebook.com (phenomenal blog, by the way. More addicting than anything out there). Well, the next day she was doing some research at work and saw a funny case on her screen and I asked her to submit it to MPS.

If you’re on a PC, screen grabs are really easy. There’s a button on the far right side of the “F-Row” called “Print Screen.” This effectively copies everything on your screen. Then you open some graphics program, which if you’re in a pinch, just use a word doc. That’s how this entry came to be. I then opened it in a photoshop type of program, cropped the picture, saved as a jpeg, wrote a whole bunch of nonsense, uploaded to Blogger, and presto! I stole 5 minutes of your life and I’m not giving them back.

So check this out. I think that pseudonyms should be allowed in a lot of things…particularly if you have an embarrassing name or if your name or your business name will look bad when referenced, such as during a law suit. Such as the landmark 2008 case…

The joke writes itself, so I’m not going to bother spelling it out. So enjoy this brief period of self-restraint on my part.

I’ve now drifted onto page 2 in MS Word…so I’m going to get out of here.

(Ctrl+C, Switch Screens, Ctrl+V)...I really don't want to edit anymore.

Thanks for stopping by.

PS

Come Here, Rude Boy

I’m a good driver. Period.

Ask my wife that same question, and she’ll tell you a very different story, but you can take my word for it, I’m a good driver.

I realize that with this entry and some other entries of mine may tell a story of a reckless driver always armed with a photograph capturing device…and this, my friends, is also true. But I think the key word there is reckless. I am free of wrecks…yes, I’m aware of the spelling difference, but I’m going to go with it.

I started this blog for fun. I've said before that I can find humor in a lot of things, some might say, things which are not humorous. Whatever. I did notice something about reactions to the blog...most men (no, I did not take an actual, scientific survey) think the photos on my blog are funny...hilarious in fact (*see previous parenthetical phrase). I did show the cactus picture to two coworkers last week and here were their reactions:

Male Coworker: Uncontrollable laughter.

Female Coworker: "What?"

Male Coworker > Female Coworker: "Put your 12 year-old hat on"

Female Coworker: "What? It looks like a penis."

Onto the wreck-less photo-capture: I’ve been told, that I'm reaching with this one.

This is a quick entry, only because I couldn't resist the urge to NOT post it. I snapped the photo a few years ago because I thought it was funny and every time I pass the picture in my computer I giggle.

On the sidest of side notes…a post-script of sorts…do I need to spell it out? Okay, I will…PS: I’ve been thinking lately that I need to go back and "Tag" my entries, but that will probably fail miserably. Need I remind you of how bad at blogging I am? As if I didn't say it enough in the actual entries themselves, all the spelling errors and weird formatting anomalies should speak volumes. The reason this came to mind is that when I look at this picture I think, “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!” I also thought, I can’t say that with this picture, I just said it a couple entries ago…if I tag it, then I can say it without saying it, make sense? No? I didn’t think so either.

Bye for now.

PS

Never on a Sunday

Part of what is fun for me about this blog is that most of the pictures in my posts are man-made. It makes me laugh when there is something ridiculous in a post that someone hasn’t noticed yet.

Today’s post is not man-made. This one is much more organic…or natural some might say. I used to have a professor of organic chemistry (not even close to my favorite or a good subject) that was a bit kooky. And by kooky, I, of course, mean completely ridiculous. He would often talk in class about which chemicals/compounds occur in “nature.” I put “nature” in quotes because he would do finger quotes every time he said “nature.” Why, you might ask? He later explained, both in class and on his school-owned website that he did not believe in evolution, believed the Earth to be approximately 7,000 years-old, with all evolutionary evidence being placed there by the proverbial man-up-stairs (see what I did there with ‘proverbial’ thing?).

Look, to each His own, I guess, believe in evolution, don’t believe in evolution, and when I write the word evolution, for God’s sake, read Science…seriously, feel free to go back and re-read everything. Well, never mind, I think my opinion is leaking out beyond my control. Arethe Earth and Universe simply a series of random events which happen to have occurred in just the right way? Or did someone/something have a hand in the outcome?

People like my former chemistry professor do things like this:

Real quick note: I didn’t go to some über conservative college by any means, and while I completed my undergraduate degree from a prestigious university (I love saying pompous crap like that), this particular professor was a part of the wonderful community college system of the great state of California.

Back to the above picture: Personally, I think this gives God/Science/Jesus/Flying Spaghetti Monster a bad rap. God hates things that He/She/It/Evolved? Kind of a strange and foreign concept to me. The logic can spin a person in circles. How can we as people begin to understand what G/S/J/FSM’s personal preferences might be? I’m not going to explore that here…what I do know, however, is that something out there has a seriously awesome sense of humor.

So let me ask the question again: is this random or did someone manipulate things to make it happen in just the right way?

I submit the following picture to the discussion:

You be the judge. I maintain my opinion, no matter which side of the argument you come down on when you’ve made your judgment: something has a phenomenal and, dare I say, universal sense of humor.

Keeping it natural,

PS

Collaborate AND Listen

I am going to post a funny sign today.

I live in San Diego. When I was in college, I passed this sign quite frequently on my commutes back and forth to my parent’s house. Incidentally, I don’t like it when people misspell quiet and quite. I’m not claiming to be the world’s best speller by any stretch of the imagination (seriously, ask anyone, I’m always saying, “Do you spell _____ with one ‘r’ or two?); I’m just saying “quite” and “quiet” are quite different. Okay, I’ll be quiet about that point and get back to the sign you see below.

Most people think this is a pretty funny sign, but I find it to be more of a sad reminder.

*Climbs up on my soapbox*

I found out that this sign was first put up in 1990. Most people think that a sign on the side of a freeway with a father dragging his family behind him is pretty funny…perhaps the humor comes from the fact that people aren’t supposed to be walking around on the freeway…it’s why is always such a jarring image when we see that dude that’s run out of gas and he’s walking along the freeway with the little red can.

Now, I don’t want to get too political or anything, but this sign has been around for a long time, even though it STUNS me that I can consider 1990 to be a long time ago. But seriously, what has really changed in America? The reason this sign is so strikingly sad is this, and…stay with me here: People risking their lives by crossing an international border, and later, freeways, became such a “problem” that it warranted a warning sign for the commuters. But just imagine if the state of affairs in your country motivated you to risk the lives of not only yourself, but your entire family to go to a country that acted like you were a problem.

I’m not pretending that I have an answer for this problem, but I know that gun-toting freaks with stolen revolutionary war names hiding behind the 2^nd amendment is clearly not the answer.

*Stepping off the soapbox*

Wow…I got a little acrophobic standing up there for so long.

Wait, no, I think I’m going to get back on the soapbox again, because I may have an answer for the problem…or at least the kind of person we need to solve the problem. We need a transformational figure. Someone who can captivate an audience…a master of ceremonies type of personality, you know, a “hold the room’s attention” kind of guy. (Yes, that’s a phrase, I’m starting it here).

Someone light on their toes who can move quickly to put an end to bad situations. Someone who wants to pound out all the details with a mallet-sized work ethic.

Someone who can roll up his sleeves and get in between all of the partisan bickering and shout from the rooftops…

Special thanks to my friend Joe for the picture. Also, big ups to the guy having the wherewithal and moxie (yes, I said moxie...it's a real thing, the Food Network told me all about it) to spraypaint "Hammertime" on a stop sign...and the determination to create a stencil for the task.

PS