Simpsons Did It!

I used to love the Simpsons…actually, I still do, but I don’t really watch anymore, not sure why.

In fact, my quote on facebook is a line from the Simpsons. When you pick a quote for facebook, it has to be something that captures you perfectly…after all, what’s more important than facebook?

My quote?

Oh right. Here it is:

“Powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a Nerf ball.”

Gets me every time.

Not only do I think that quote describes me perfectly…but it serves as the perfect segue for my images today.

My facebook quote comes from a Simpsons episode where Homer finds his long-lost brother. His brother is a rich auto-tycoon and allows Homer to design a new car…which he cleverly dubs “The Homer.”

His car looks like this:



Complete with isolation bubbles…awesome, right?

Cartoons are good for that kind of thing. Showing you something that would be incredible…if only it could happen…

If only…

Cue dreamy sounds…



How sweet is that?

Let’s hope this catches on…



See you next time!
PS.

MPS: No one commented about the title of the last entry…not one of you. I’ve been torn up about this all week. It’s almost like no one is actually reading this…but that can’t be true.

Liberate Tutemae Ex Inferis

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!



I’m just kidding. Though the news that laser surgery is now less painful is helpful…I have better news.

MPS is back!

I went on hiatus a bit, but I’ve been writing in my head for a while, promise.

I wanted to say something like “Guess who’s back in the mother f-ing house”…

but after scrolling down and seeing my photo in the last entry, I know I really can’t get away with “a big fat blog for your mother f-ing…”…

…

I can’t complete that phrase…I know for a fact that my MOM reads my blog…sooooo…I definitely can’t finish that.

Speaking of readers, though, I received confirmation that MPS has a unique reader…a friend linked to my site on her site and then commented on that friend’s facebook page that she thought MPS was funny…

I want to say, "Redemption is Spelled"…but there is nothing more annoying to my beautiful, intelligent, sweet, caring, loving wife then when I spell ‘redemption’ in all kinds of new (read: dumb) ways.

Back to the subject of my Mom…I wanted to talk about family today.

There’s a HUGE part of my family that resides in this blog. I completely believe that my Dad has a BIG part to do with my blog…with my desire to find recazulous (Word. Coined!) stuff in the world. And well before starting the blog, my family has sent me pictures of all kinds of weird things...more on those later.

Time for a long aside, but it’s been a while since I’ve written so you’re just going to have to oblige…or just scroll through and not read…either way, I’m going to take up more space because I’m PS damn it, and you’re not…but if I could provide a teaser for you…should you read on, you will ask yourself the following question: "Did he really just tell a story about a non-descript white van?"

SPOILER ALERT:

The answer is yes.

So remember how I say that EVERYTHING has a story? Well, I got more proof of that some time ago. There was a non-descript white van (told you so) parked on the street. I hadn’t noticed it before, until one day I was walking my dog…




…and I happened to notice a note left on the windshield of this white van, parallel parked near a small apartment complex. As I approached it, I thought I was going to see a ticket on this person’s windshield and utter the words, “sucks for that guy,” to myself. Turned out it was piece of ruled paper (I didn’t get close enough to evaluate college/wide/legal ruling…my apologies). It was a note facing inward, but written darkly enough to be read: YOU CAN’T STORE YOUR VAN HERE. MOVE IT OR IT WILL BE TOWED. Weird, I thought, seeing as how it was a non-descript white van, one that I hadn’t noticed before, but it really pissed somebody off. A day or two later, there was an official city ticket and notice. Then a couple days after that…no more white van.

It occurs to me that there are no less than 3 versions of this story. Mine (the outside observer), the angry guy who couldn’t stand the non-descript white van near his apartment any longer, and the person who got his van got towed after thinking it was cool to park it there for a couple days.

Some day, I’ll tell you the story about my truck got towed in LA because my wife, then friend, and I failed to read a sign correctly.

Okay, back to the silly picture.

Full Disclosure Time:

I have seen this image many MANY times. Not only have I seen it on my own and with my wife…

This is where I wanted to post a picture of my wife being inappropriate next to the photo you’ll see below…I even blocked out her eyes like I did to my own picture…no go. Oh well.

She’s awesome…and I love her a lot.

Here it is all alone (and by all alone, of course, I mean that all of the inappropriateness lies within the image itself, no one making obscene gestures beside it:



Something tells me that the title of this blog gets whispered in the above situations…

Seriosously, Catholic Church, don’t you think it would be worth it to modify the image a bit? I mean, I get that you have a lot of settlement money to pay out…and I know I’m no publicist…but seems like it would be money well spent to aid in improving your public image.

Here is where I intended to put a stained glass version of this image, but I lost it. Can’t find it in my email, can’t find it on my computer…but it was my whole reason for discussing family in the first place…my dad found it and sent it to me. I’ll post it solo whenever I can locate it.

See you soon!

PS

MPS: Bonus points for anyone who can identify the origin of the title and put it in the comments. I’ll call you out in the next post.

Myspace Angles

Back in the day, Myspace was all the rage. Everyone had a page and there was a race to see how many “friends” you could get on there. One of the things that influenced your friend count was your picture…you always wanted to have a good Myspace profile picture. You had to get the right angles that made you look best, yet still looked casual and fun.

The way to get these pictures just right was to take the picture from above with from about 45 degrees off-center. The person in the photo usually looks out of the corner of their eyes and smiles so as to stretch the muscles and tendons in the neck…emphasizing the bones, and, well, not your fat neck.

I took a trip to Michigan and Chicago a few years back with my family. My sisters and I were hitting the tourist bars near Wrigley Field, and we all took fun Myspace pictures…mine turned out pretty legendary, this is what I looked like:



As I look at it, I realize that I probably don’t need to hide my identity…one because I know all my readers personally, and two (and most importantly), my face and neck are more mutated than the ninja turtles that I’m pretty much unrecognizable. One of the best things my wife has taught me is that a good argument tends to have 2 points…well she didn’t exactly teach me that…she’s just better at arguing than I am and her arguments ALWAYS have two points.

“The cats are wayyyyy better than the dog. One, because they’re cleaner and TWO, the dog sucks.”

Anyway…why have I gone through all this trouble and posted a ridiculous picture of myself? Well, PS had another wreck-less driving experience recently. I saw this delivery truck on my way to work and I thought it was funny enough by itself…my first few attempts to capture the image didn’t go very well…too far away, too blurry, you name it…yes I took probably 5-6 shots before deciding to drive up alongside the truck (stroke of genius AND pure luck, if you ask me).

I was a good driver and kept my eyes fixed on the road in front of me, but I aimed my phone at what I hoped would be the right angle to get what I was after…this my friends was my albatross that morning. Turned out, the angle made the picture funnier than it was originally…much like the properly snapped Myspace picture will make an otherwise homely, overweight, and generally unattractive person look more appealing.



Pepe actually puts produce in your tacos...but I got the good Myspace angle on it! So even though it is significantly less appetizing thinking about Pepe dropping fresh duce in your taco, it's funnier, and more attractive to me.

Always check your angles!

PS

Coming Strrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraight At’cha

Okay, I can barely stand this…this…this…WAITING!

The image you will see below I came across very recently, on a leisurely, pleasant walk with my family.

I was so blown away by the inappropriateness of this…this…this…abomination (that’s a bit strong, but c’mon, I’m selling it pretty well, right?) that I couldn’t keep it to myself for long.

I’ve been into ridiculous image collection for a long time now. Some of the ones that have graced this page are quite old…some are borrowed, some are new…and they all make you blue…with laughter! I realize I’m reaching there, but I just got married and I still have wedding stuff on the old brain-hole.

So put yourself in my shoes: You, your significant other, your innocent dog, are taking a long, beautiful walk through picturesque (great word choice, if I don’t say so myself) San Diego when all of a sudden…(and yes, people, it’s all of ‘a’ sudden, not all of ‘the’ sudden, remember I suck as spelling and blogging, but cliché IS me, so get it right)…

Where was I? Oh yeah…I was on a diatribe about “a sudden” vs “the sudden” and we all had a great time…

Jesus, this is taking a while…

And speaking of Jesus…someone cover his eyes, because he shouldn’t see this…










Good luck, and Godspeed…us away from stuff like this!





PS

First Ever Sneak Peek

I can barely keep this one under wraps. From the second I saw this, I wanted to publish...but I'm attempting to keep some semblance of comedic timing and what not...but I just had to sneak peek this.

This entry is going to be SO good...

I can't stress this enough.

This entry will blow your mind. The level of inappropriateness that is all over the rest of this photo will shock you. SHOCK I say.

Some key words that will serve as hints to highlight just how bad this photo will be:

Christian Science
Statue
Fountain
Children

You'll see it soon...

 

PS

I'll Show You Bored!

Earthquakes feel different after you get married. I’ve lived in southern California my whole life, so I’ve experienced my fair share of the old shake shakes (that’s what we all call them here), but the one that we just had today felt different. Not in that they shake differently like the type of shaking from a thrust fault versus a transform, strike-slip fault, but it feels different when you got a little more on the line when the world starts giving you the old shake shakes, you know?

I’ve talked before about just how fast information moves on the internet. Today, that was mostly a good thing. Celebrity twitter and facebook friend updates about the earthquake aside, it was nice to be able to go online and find out what was happening really quickly. I learned another fact in that process: people be freakin’ stupid, yo!

I’m not kidding. Go to ANY news website and read just about ANY article…skim down to the comment section and see democracy at work. More and more I see why we have a republic, not a pure democracy. When you let everyone sound off, you get a whole lot of ridiculous crap. You know that old adage: Opinions are like assholes…



Do we really need to sound off on the emotions we are experiencing as readers of a story? And even if we do need to allow for such things…and that is a HUGE if…but IF we are to allow them, lets explore the emotions chosen by the readers. Intrigued? Sure. I can get behind that. Sad? Definitely. It’s a huge quake that probably did some serious damage in Mexico…but only 9% feel this way? Thrilled I MIGHT be able to understand, like I think it’s in the neighborhood of the emotion that people might be feeling, but it’s still wrong…but Furious? Bored? Laughing?

Lets get it together, huh?



PS

Just Stopping By

Thought I’d pop in real quick to say…




See you soon!



PS